Melrose Boy
Scout Troop 68's
Favorite
Campfire Skits
The
Bell Ringer
(parts 1-3)
Clifftop
Turrmoil
Expectant
Fathers
A
Pain
In The Pullman
Radio
Airwaves
The
Bell Ringer
Props: Coat with football or wadded
clothing
under it
for the Hunchback, hat or nightstick for Gendarme.
Bell Ringer Part # 1
Announcer: The
Hunchback
of Notre Dame has decided to retire, and has place an ad in the Paris
Times
for someone to come and learn how to ring the bells.
Effects:
(Knock, knock, knock)
Hunchback:
(Gravely voice)
Oh, somebody must be here about my job. I'll go down and see.
(Goes
'round and 'round the
campfire,
as if going down the bell tower, bent over due to hunch.)
Effects :
(Knock, knock, knock)
Hunchback:
(Angrily) I'm
coming, I'm coming. There's a lot of stairs here. (Arrives at and opens
the door.)
Hunchback:
Yeah ! What
do you want ?
Applicant:
I'm here about
the bell ringer's job.
Hunchback:
All right !
Come on up and I'll see if you can do the job. (Begins to go up (the
other
way around) followed by the applicant.)
Applicant:
Boy, the
ceiling
is not very high here, is it ?
Hunchback:
Listen, you
go up and down these stairs 20 times a day for 45 years and you just
learn
to stay bent over. Hey, did you close that door, didn't you ?
Applicant:
I don't know.
I don't remember.
Hunchback:
Well, we gotta
go down and keep it locked, can't run up the church's fuel bill. (Both
turn around and go back.)
Hunchback:
That's the
first
thing you gotta learn. Keep the door closed. Up and down these stairs,
that's the hard part. (Arriving at door) O.K., so now you're here,
close
the door.
Applicant:
(Closes door)
How are the benefits in this job ?
Hunchback:
(Both going
back up) Well, it has it's ups and downs. The Church board will buy you
ear plugs every six months and a new bottle of bell polish once a year
(Finally arriving at the bell)
All right,
now you stand over
there, and I'll show you how it's done. First you grab the bell here
and
push it out very hard (steps back and follows path of bell out and
back)
back on it's own. That's all there is to it. Do you think you can do
that
?
Applicant:
Sure ! (does
the action with the bell, but does not step back, is hit by bell and
falls
back, to the ground)
Hunchback:
Oh my gosh !
He's fallen 15 stories to the sidewalk. I'd better get down there.
(Goes
'round and 'round until he reaches the ground)
(Crowd
enters mumbling, stops
astonished at body)
Gendarme
: (Entering,
calls
to Hunchback) Hey you ! Do you know this guy ? (Rolls body over with
foot)
Hunchback:
No, but his
face sure rings a bell !
Bell Ringer Part # 2
(The trick with this skit
is to
do it the night after doing Bell Ringer #1, and to do everything
exactly
the same - perhaps with a little more 'hamming it up')
(When the Applicant
arrives the
Hunchback says:)
Hunchback:
You look just
like the guy who was here yesterday.
Applicant:
Oh, that was
my twin brother.
(Revert to
the original dialog
again. The audience will think it's getting a re-run and prepare itself
for a 'groaner' of a cheer. When they hear the ending, you'll get a
great
reaction.)
(Carry on
with dialog, except
for the last line.)
Hunchback:
No, but he's
a dead ringer for the guy who was here yesterday !
Bell Ringer Part # 3
Props: Rain slickers, blanket, and
Gendarme gear
from
above.
(To be used ONLY when
Bell Ringer
#1 and #2 have been used.)
(Two
players enter in rain
slickers
holding blanket between them like a jumping net. The jig and jog around
the performing area.)
Gendarme :
(Entering) Hey,
what are you guys doing ?
Fireman
#1: Well, the last
two nights some guy has jumped out of that bell tower, and we came to
catch
him !
Clifftop
Turmoil
Participants: Scoutmaster and four scouts.
Setting: The group is arriving on the top of a cliff to camp. The
Scoutmaster
is in full uniform while the scouts are all extremely rag-tag looking.
Props: One tent in a bag.
Scoutmaster:
“What a gorgeous view! This is a
great place
to camp. But I want all you boys to stay away from that cliff edge.
That’s
a 3000 foot drop, you you boys be sure to stay away from it.”
(The boys are paying no attention whatsoever. The Scoutmaster
continues.)
Scoutmaster: “Billy, you
had the pack with the food
in
it. Where is it?”
Billy: “It was too heavy
to carry. It’s back 15
miles,
back where we started.”
Scoutmaster: “George, you
did bring the saw so we
could
cut the wood, didn’t you?”
George: “No sir. I left it
at home.”
(The scoutmaster is starting to get disgusted.)
Scoutmaster: “Peter, did
you remember to bring the
matches?”
Peter: “Yes, I did, but I
lost them on the way.”
Scoutmaster:
“That’s great! That’s just great! We
have
no food. We can’t chop wood to build a fire. Not that we
could start a
fire anyway since we don’t have any matches. Oh well, at
least we have
this great view. I see that Mike brought the tent. At Least we have
that.
Okay, we’ll camp here. Mike, pitch the tent.”
Mike: “But,
sir...”
Scoutmaster (enraged):
“I’m not going to tell you
again.
PITCH THE TENT!”
(Mike shrugs his shoulders, turns toward the cliff, and pitches it
over the edge.)
Expectant
Fathers
Four fathers are pacing nervously around the waiting
room,
waiting for
news of their wives.
A nurse enters the room.
Nurse: “Mr. Brown?”
Mr. Brown steps forward in nervous anticipation.
Mr. Brown: “Yes. Yes!”
Nurse: “Mr. Brown, you are the proud
father of healthy
twins.”
Mr. Brown: “Why that’s a
coincidence. I work at Twin City
Federal
Bank.”
The nurse and Mr. Brown walk off stage. The rest of the fathers
continue
their pacing.
Nurse: “Mr.
White?”
Mr. White steps forward in nervous anticipation.
Mr. White: “Yes. Yes!”
Nurse: “Mr. White, you are the proud
father of healthy
triplets.”
Mr. White: “Why that’s a
coincidence. I work at 3M.”
The nurse and Mr. White walk off stage. The rest of the fathers
continue
their pacing.
A nurse enters the room.
Nurse: “Mr. Black?”
Mr. Black steps forward in nervous anticipation.
Mr. Black: “Yes. Yes!”
Nurse: “Mr. Black, you are the proud
father of healthy
quadruplets.”
Mr. Black: “Why that’s a
coincidence. I work at Twin City
Federal.”
As Mr. Black walks off stage the last of the fathers begins to
panic.
The nurse quickly grabs him and asks,
“Excuse me sir. What is
the problem?”
The last father screams, “Don’t
you understand? I work for
7-Up!!!”
He breaks away from the nurse and runs off stage.
A
Pain in the Pullman
Participants: A conductor, a mother, a baby, and a
passenger.
Setting: The mother is holding the baby on her lap as a
passenger
approaches. The baby is unusually large, as is the mother.
Props: One chair or stool for the mother to sit on.
Passenger: “Lady, I
don’t mean to offend you, but that
is the
ugliest baby I have ever seen.”
Mother: “Why you brute! How dare you
say such a thing.”
Passenger: “Just look at that thing.
He’s so ugly. How can
you
stand it?”
Mother: “You Beast!!! Conductor!
Conductor!”
(The conductor comes racing on the stage and rapidly crosses to the
mother.)
Conductor: “What’s the
matter, maam?”
Mother: “This mother insulted my
baby!”
Conductor (sternly):
“Sir, I’ll have to ask
you
to leave this women alone.”
Passenger: “Look, I”m
sorry, but holy cow, that thing is
ugly!”
(The passenger leaves stage. The conductor smiles to the mother.)
Conductor: “He won’t
bother you anymore maam.”
Mother: “Well, I hope not. This has
been most upsetting.”
Conductor: “Well, maam, it is the
policy of this railroad
that
all our passengers are kept
happy. So, if you like, I could bring you a free drink from
the
bar. And on the way,
how about if I stop by the kitchen and pick up a banana for
your
monkey?”
Radio
Airwaves
(5 people needed to be radio station announcers)
Announcer:
On the way to the (meeting/outing/camp) tonight, we were
listening
to the radio, but we were having trouble keeping a single station on
the
air. The stations kept overlapping each other. Just as we starting
getting
interested in one thing the station would switch and something entirely
different would come on. It sounded something like this....
Commercial:
Are you missing something in your life? Do you always find
yourself
unprepared? Do you like camping and hiking in the great outdoors? If
you
do then join the Boy Scouts of America. Scouting today - it’s
a lot
more
than...
Baseball:
...a beautiful day at the county stadium were the (team name)
are hosting the Twins. It looks like it will be a very close battle
today
as both teams are very strong and led by two great pitchers, Scott and
(other team pitcher). The Twins will be at the plate first. Leading off
the batting order will be...
Cooking:
...meatloaf, scalloped potatoes, peas. And we will top it off
with apple pie for desert. Okay ladies, get out your note pads and your
cooking utensils. Listen carefully and you will learn how to prepare
this
scrumptious dish to please that hard working hungry husband of yours
after
a long day’s work at...
Story time:
...Fantasy land, where all of your dreams come true. Hello
boys
and girls. Today’s story is an old time favorite. It is about
a famous
little girl and her dear old grandmother who...
Gangster:
...dirty, rotten, no good two bit, double crossing crook and
when I get my hands on him I’ll pulverize him to a pulp, fit
him to a
pair
of concrete shoes, and he will never be seen in my territory again.
Even
if the low down, dirty rat is...
Baseball:
...the next batter at the plate for the Twins.
Here’s the first
pitch... It’s a ball, outside. The pitcher gets his
signals. He
winds
up... Whoa! It’s a hard fast ball right down the pipe. Strike
one. The
count is one and one. The pitcher delivers again. The batter swings...
Cooking:
...the meatloaf into the pan and fry for fifteen minutes or
until
brown. Now ladies, this next step is very crucial to the success of
your
meatloaf. If you don’t get it correctly...
Gangster:
...I’ll bash your head in and make mash potatoes
out of your
face. So don’t mess up or I’ll send you to...
Commercial:
...the Boy Scouts of America. Just imagine the fun
you’ll have
swimming, boating, hiking, and sitting around the campfire at night.
Only
you, the stars, the moon and...
Story time:
...Little Red Riding Hood”, said the wolf.
“What do you have
in your basket?” “Well, Mr.
Wolf”, said Little Red Riding Hood,
“I
have...
Baseball:
...two outs! Twins on first and second at the bottom of the
third
and they are down by two runs. They’ve got to have a hit with
this
batter
or they’re...
Cooking:
...meatloaf will be burnt, so be careful ladies, because
burnt
meatloaf can cause...
Baseball:
...a home run! And that will put the Twins in the lead, 6 to
5, in the bottom of the sixth inning here at county stadium. Wow! What
a change of events. This game has changed from a dull, typical pitchers
battle to an...
Commercial:
...afternoon of fun and adventure at the beautiful
(campground
name). And remember, as the Boy Scout motto states, Be Prepared to...
Gangster:
...get your guts blown out if you double cross me again.
I’ll
put so many holes in you that you’ll look like a screen door.
No one
fools
around with me except...
Commercial:
...the Boy Scouts of America...
Baseball:
...have struck out again, and boy is the (other
team)’s manager
giving it to the ump. I can just imagine saying...
Story time:
...My, what big eyes you have grandmother”, said
Little Red
Riding
Hood. “The better to see you with my
dear,” said the wolf.
“And grandmother”, said Little Red Riding Hood,
“what a big you have...
Baseball:
...says the ump to the (other team)’s manager as he
throws him
out of the game. Well, Bob, it looks like the only thing that can save
the (other team’s name) now is...
Commercial:
...the Boy Scouts of America...
Cooking:
...and your piping hot peas. By now your pie crust should be
tender and flaky, just like ...
Story time:
...Little Red Riding Hood was about to be gobbled up by the
wicked
old wolf. Suddenly, the door burst open, and the woodsman said...
Gangster:
...you dirty bugger. I’ve got you dead to right
now. Mess with
my girl, will you? Well, no one messes with my girl and gets away with
it. The only thing that can save you now is...
Baseball:
...the Twins...
Cooking:
...your crisp apple pie..
Story time:
...Little Red Riding Hood..
Commercial:
...and the Boy Scouts of America.
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troop's campfire
songs and skits page.
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